So there I was...

...walking back to my building from hitting the ATM and getting a salad at the Post Oak Grill when I noticed the big sign at the end of the hallway just before you enter my building had changed. At some point in the not to distant past it had been changed from something promoting the El Paso volunteerism program called "Sharing Team El Paso" to a promotional display for our corporate wellness program called "Choose Well." In fact it was changed to this graphic:


Being the self-centered twit I am, I could not help but notice that center picture inset at the bottom. Here it is, enhanced for your viewing pleasure:


Mother of god. There I am.

Back in January had you told me by the end of the year I would be on some promotional material promoting a wellness and fitness program in any other capacity than "Don't be this fat fuck," I would have told you that you were clearly insane and have suspected that Rob and Scott were plotting something. Here we are a year later and I have gone from tubby bitch to this:


Yeah, I still don't get it either.

On this subject it has been some time since I posted about my diet and this seems as good a as time as any to mention that I have met my goal of loosing 100 pounds, actually 102 as of last Friday. It feels awesome to have actually accomplished this and I will admit that when I stepped off the scale on Friday I had to sit down and have a little bit of a cry.

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 18

So it was with great joy and rejoicing that two weeks ago I was able to report that I was below my target weight of 250 pounds however unlike certain politicians I did not want to prematurely declare “Mission Accomplished.”* As with all of my waypoints during this diet thing I wanted to be at or below the goal weight for two weeks before declaring victory. Well, guess what time it is? (No, it is not time to get ‘ill’.)

Tipping the scales at an almost petite by comparison 244 pounds this morning means it is time for me to declare victory! Sadly this will not involve me landing a plane on a carrier deck, either literally or euphemistically. I have dropped a total of 76 pounds since February 1st and, for the mathematically challenged out there (I’m looking at you, Scott) I am only 24 pounds away from hitting 220 pounds. Early on I discussed 220 as possibly being a goal but I wanted to take a wait and see attitude towards the whole thing since dieting and I do not have a particularly happy history together. (Kinda like me and the ladies but with even less nookie, if that can be believed.) Now I am pretty firmly set on getting down to 220 pounds before my birthday. Of course this is going to have to wait until I get back from Star Trek camp.

Oddly enough I really don’t have too much to say about this except that I appreciate all of the support I have gotten from you guys over the past four months while I was getting here. It means more to me than I could ever say. Thanks!


* I know it was just that one time and that they say it happens to everybody, but the joke is still there and never let it be said that I won’t go for the low hanging fruit.**

** That might be the gayest thing I have said/typed in a while.


Friday - 5-30-08
The Drink
Dannon Activia Light yogurt
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
(2) Nature Valley Oats-n-Honey granola bars
Chips, queso and salsa
Chicken fried steak with gravy
Mashed potatoes
Garlic bread
Brownie with ice cream and chocolate sauce
60 minutes on the elliptical

Saturday - 5-31-08
The Drink
1 bottle of Odwalla Vanilla Al'Mondo protein drink
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, turkey, ham and Ranch
Twizzlers
(3) glasses of wine
Garlic bread
Pasta Pescatore
German chocolate cake
Glass of whisky
Walked 4+ miles

Sunday - 6-1-08
The Drink
Dannon Activia Light yogurt
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
Large popcorn
A pint of Guinness
Muffaleta
Pasta salad

Monday - 6-2-08
The Drink
Dannon Activia Light yogurt
Medium salad with chicken chunks, bacon, Mandarin orange slices, apple chunks, crutons, raisins and Honey Mustard dressing
Amy's Mexican Casserole Bowl
Twizzlers
60 minutes on the elliptical

Tuesday - 6-3-08
The Drink
Dannon Activia Light yogurt
Fried Alligator
Iced tea (no sugar)
Dirty Rice
Citrus Glazed Shrimp
Yoplait yogurt
60 minutes on elliptical

Wednesday - 5-28-08
The Drink
Dannon Activia Light yogurt
Tuna Salad Sandwich
Small bag of Ruffles
Chocolate Chip Cookie
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
60 minutes on elliptical

Thursday - 5-29-08
The Drink
Dannon Activia Light yogurt
Large nachos with cheese, beans, beef and jalapenos
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
60 minutes on elliptical

Fat Fuck v. Food - Week 17

I weighed in at 247 pounds this week and don't really have too much to say about it, for once. Right now I am just looking forward to weighing in next Friday. I expect to continue to be below 250 pounds and thus able to declare this phase of my weight loss plan done with. For shits and grins here is a chart of my weight loss per week:



Friday - 5-23-08
The Drink
Yoplait yogurt
Bottle of chocolate milk
Sausage, cheese and egg sandwich on toast
Bacon Cheeseburger
Fries
Tazo Giant Peach Green Tea
2 egg rolls
3 chocolate chip cookies
4 Ironically delicious Cuba Libres
2 soft chicken tacos
Regular order of steak fajita nachos
45 minutes on the elliptical

Saturday - 5-24-08
The Drink
Yoplait yogurt
1 can of Coke
5 pieces of large Papa Johns Spicy Italian pizza
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
Walked 4+ miles

Sunday - 5-25-08
The Drink
Yoplait yogurt
3 pieces of large Papa Johns Spicy Italian pizza
Chips and salsa
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
90+ minutes ice skating

Monday - 5-26-08
The Drink
Yoplait yogurt
Chips and salsa
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch

Tuesday - 5-27-08
The Drink
Yoplait yogurt
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
Chocolate chip cookie
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
1 bottle Odwalla Vanilla Al'Mondo protein drink
60 minutes on elliptical

Wednesday - 5-28-08
The Drink
Dannon Activia Light yogurt
Medium salad with crutons, chicken chunks, bacon, mandarin orange slices, almonds, apple chunks, raisins and honey mustard dressing
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
60 minutes on elliptical

Thursday - 5-29-08
The Drink
Dannon Activia Light yogurt
Large nachos with cheese, beans, beef and jalapenos
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
60 minutes on elliptical

Fat Fuck v. Food - Week 16

So this morning I stepped on the scale and it read 248.4 pounds.* For the first time that I can remember I am below 250 pounds. Also, I am done with this whole diet thing until I get back from Star Trek camp. Of course that is a bit of a lie since I am not going to officially declare victory until I have been either at or below 250 pounds for two consecutive weigh-ins. Ok, maybe it is more than just a bit of a lie as I am not going to change my eating habits that much. I am comfortable doing what I am doing, however I will be less strict with myself and actually start enjoying nacho day in the cafeteria again rather than just being surly on Thursdays.

Anyways, here is the progress I have made since beginning this back on February 1st:

Starting weight: 320 pounds
Current weight: 248.4 pounds
Total weight loss: 71.6 pounds

Elapsed time: 112 days

Beginning waist: 48
Current waist: 40

It is kind of funny, somehow I was expecting to feel different once I hit this goal. A sense of accomplishment, perhaps, or a sense of jubilation but that really came along with the photo comparison I shared this past week. This is not to say that I do not feel a sense of accomplishment, because I do, but I was just expecting something more this morning when the scale told me I was done. Of course since I had some serious stress in the office yesterday and ended up having bad work dreams because of it, I am kind of just worn out today so that could be contributing to the lack of umph in the morning.

Oh well, the one thing I am excited about today is my reward. There is a cigar in my box with the magical words Habana, Cuba on the band that has been waiting for this day. I think tonight I am going to Hemingway it up with the cigar and an ironically delicious Cuba Libre. That should just about hit the spot.


* I actually had a joke here about the scale asking me who the hell I was but it was SO not working that I decided not to try and force it. In shrinking I think I have grown.


Friday - 5-16-08
The Drink
Dannon Activia Light yogurt
Banana
Mr. Brown's Iced Coffee
Med. salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
CLIF Banana Nut Bread bar
Yoplait yogurt
1/2 order of nachos
Chili Cheeseburger
Fries
Iced tea (no sugar)
Fuck off HUGE dessert with ice cream and whipped cream
45 minutes on elliptical
60 minutes of ice skating

Saturday - 5-17-08
The Drink
Dannon Activia Light yogurt
Large salad with roast chicken
3 dinner rolls
A metric ass load of food including pulled pork tacos, brisket, and corn pudding
Iced tea (no sugar)
Walked 4+ miles

Sunday - 5-18-08
The Drink
Dannon Activia Light yogurt
Large salad with chicken and parmesan dressing
Bowl of chili
Whataburger with cheese and bacon
2 large fries
60 minutes ice sakting

Monday - 5-19-08
The Drink
Dannon Activia Light yogurt
Large salad with crutons, chicken chunks, raisins, mandarin orange slices, almonds, and honey mustard dressing
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
60 minutes on elliptical

Tuesday - 5-20-08*
The Drink
Yoplait yogurt
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
Chocolate chip cookie
60 minutes on elliptical

Wednesday - 5-21-08
The Drink
Yoplait yogurt
Cup of Crab Bisque
Bread
Salad with fried chicken strips, tortilla strips, and honey mustard dressing
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
60 minutes on elliptical

Thursday - 5-22-08*
The Drink
Yoplait yogurt
1 serv. Metamucil
Medium salad with crutons, chicken chunks, bacon, almonds, mandarin orange slices, raisins and honey mustard dressing.
60 minutes on elliptical

*I swear I had dinner both Tuesday and Thursday night but for some reason I did not write what I ate down in the diary. Wierd.

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 15

ARGH! 1.6 pounds! 1.6 LOUSY FREAKIN' POUNDS! Is all...that remains to be lost before I hit my goal of 250 pounds. I lost five pounds this past week and after the jackassery surrounding my eating this weekend, it being Mother's Day and all, I am surprised as the next guy. (Well, maybe the cat two seats over.) This is a little bit of a lie. Due to the eating jackassery from this weekend I did four things this week to help my weight loss along. First I pushed my workout on the elliptical to a full hour on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. 45 minutes was not ragging me out like it had back at the beginning of April so I thought it was time for me to make the next jump. I went ahead and only did 45 minutes today because I am not planning on blowing things out of the water food-wise this weekend AND I am planning on going ice skating for an hour or two tonight. Second I decided to go ahead and try something I have been contemplating for a while; I ate nothing but salads for my meals this week. I made sure to include chicken, turkey, or ham with each salad so I was getting a dose of protein at each meal. As I said this is something I have wanted to try for a while just to see how my body reacts and I have to say that I did not like it. For the most part I was okay however I found myself very tired in the evenings and hitting the sack around 10pm, which is just CRAZY early for me plus I had some headache and occasional vertigo issues when I stood up too fast. Clearly that was a bad plan. The third thing I did was drop the shot of Metamucil from my morning routine. I think it is better for all of us that we observe a "the less said about this the better" moment here. The fourth and final thing I did was give the Dannon Activia yogurts a try in the morning instead of the Yoplaits I have been eating since I started this crazy thing. I actually like the consistency of the Dannon yogurt a bit better and, while I am not a calorie Nazi it is something I am aware of, they have about 30 less calories per serving so I may replace the Yoplaits with the Dannon full-time as soon as I plow through the Yoplait back-stock I have in the fridge.

Now for the future. I am really expecting to be down to 250 or below by this time next week and some people have suggested I start thinking about what I need to do to maintain my weight. Since this has been so easy and I have broken the 20% loss plane without plateauing (I am SO tempting the fates with this statement) I am going to go ahead and shoot for 220 pounds. My goal date for this is going to be October 1st and I am going to start seriously working towards this goal once I return from the Star Trek shoot (or Nerdvana as I have started to refer to it) in early July. Once I get back from that I am going to consult with one of the trainers at my gym and try to design a program that is going to continue to promote weight loss while increasing my upper body strength. I want to play ice hockey this fall and will need to replace the mass I used to use to push people around with muscles in order to properly goon it up. Until then I am going to keep doing what I am doing right now and I am going to do my best to be good over the shoot, however the exigencies of filming being what they are I am not TOO confident about my ability to continue losing weight while I am in New York.

Oh well, this has run on FAR longer than necessary! Apparently I am in a chatty mood today. One last thing. The new pants I bought about a month ago? Now they are too big and that? That is awesome.



Friday - 5-9-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Bottle of chocolate milk
Sausage, egg, and cheese snadwich
Chicken Teriyaki
Rice
Boiled Cabbage
2 Egg Rolls
Tazo Giant Peach Tea
Med. salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and Ranch
4 Peanut Butter Twix bars
45 minutes on elliptical

Saturday - 5-10-08
The Drink
1 serv. Fiber One Raisin Bran Clusters
1% Milk
Gyro
Small fruit smoothie
1 bottle Snapple Peach Mangosteen
Fried Calamari
Fried Mozarella
Small Caesar salad
Bow-tie pasts with chicken, mushrooms, and cream sauce
Cinnamon Apples with Ice Cream
Walked around the Ren Faire for 3+ hours

Sunday - 5-11-08
The Drink
1 serv. Fiber One Raisin Bran Clusters
1% Milk
Steak
Potato Salad
Deviled Eggs
Fruit Salad
Angel Food Cake
Whipped Cream
Nature Valley Peanut Sweet & Salty Nut Granola Bar

Monday - 5-12-08
The Drink
1 Dannon Activia yogurt
Large spinach and romaine salad with mandarin orange slices, raisins, apple chunks, almonds, chicken chunks, bacon and honey mustard dressing
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
45 minutes on elliptical

Tuesday - 5-13-08
The Drink
1 Dannon Activia yogurt
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
1 chocolate chip cookie
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
60 minutes on elliptical

Wednesday - 5-14-08
The Drink
1 Dannon Activia yogurt
Iced tea (no sugar)
Large salad with chicken, avocado, bacon, olives and Ranch
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
60 minutes on elliptical

Thursday - 5-15-08
The Drink
1 Dannon Activia yogurt
Iced tea (no sugar)
Large salad with chicken, avocado, bacon, olives and Ranch
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
1 Clif Chocolate Brownie Bar
60 minutes on elliptical

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 14

So freakin' close I can TASTE it! (That might be an unfortunate turn of phrase but there it is.) I weighed in at 256.6 pounds this morning. On the somewhat annoying side the loss of only 2.8 pounds represents the smallest weekly loss I have had since I started this back at the beginning of February, however the flip side of that is that I am still loosing weight despite messing up a little this week. The part of me that is a bit of a, well, I can't really say that here on network TV wants to be bummed about this. To some degree I feel like I failed this week, however to get that out of my head all I have to do is look at what I have done so far. 63.4 pounds in 14 weeks is some pretty decent progress.

I had something funny happen to me the other day which I thought I would relate. I get a salad for lunch from the same place pretty much every day. While the salads are not great, they are just the right size and it takes me almost no time to zip down and get them as the place is in the basement of my building. Apparently my weight loss has been the subject of discussion for the past few weeks. Yesterday I went and ordered a fresh salad rather than just grabbing a prepackaged salad, which is what I do probably 99% of the time. While the young lady was making the salad we talked a little about what I was doing to loose weight. Then the other two young ladies who were working starting asking the girl I was speaking with some questions. They were speaking in Spanish. I speak menu and bar Spanish but nothing really beyond what I need to order food or find a bathroom. I did understand the one thing the girl with whom I was speaking kept saying and that was "I don't know." Finally one of the other girls broke down and asked me how much I had lost. I told them I was down 60 pounds since the beginning of February. This led to a little more discussion and then my salad was done and I took off. One of the paralegals came by my desk a little later and told me that they were still talking about me about 10 minutes later.

Oh well, back to the trenchs!



Friday - 5-2-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
1 bottle of chocolate milk
Sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich on toast
2 donuts
Space club sandwich
Fries
Bacon cheese fries
Med. salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
1/2 order of nachos
Chicken tortilla soup
45 minutes on the elliptical
60 minutes ice skating

Saturday - 5-3-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 serv. Whey protein
2 serv. Kefir
Med. salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and Ranch
6 pieces of sushi
California roll
Hawaii roll
Spider roll
5 piece of gyoza
Iced tea (no sugar)
Large popcorn
2 Nature Valley Honey-n-Oat granola bars
Walked 4+ miles

Sunday - 5-4-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 serv. Whey protein
2 serv. Kefir
1 pint Guinness
Medium Spicy Italian pizza
Walked 6.5 miles

Monday - 5-5-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
1 biscuit
Large spinach and romain salad with raisins, mandarin orange slices, bacon, chicken chunks, almonds, crutons, and honey mustard.
Med. salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
2 Nature Valley Honey-n-Oat granola bars
45 minutes on the elliptical

Tuesday - 5-6-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
11.5 oz V8
Med. salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and Ranch
2 tortillas
1/2 blueberry bagel
Kimchi stew
Rice
45 minutes on the elliptical

Wednesday - 5-7-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
1/2 Apple turnover thingy
Med. salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
Kimchi stew
Rice
Med. Sprite
popcorn
Walked 1 mile
45 minutes on the elliptical

Thursday - 5-8-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Med. spinach and romain salad with raisins, mandarin orange slices, bacon, chicken chunks, almonds, crutons, and honey mustard
Hard-boiled egg
Med. salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
45 minutes on the elliptical
Walked 4+ miles

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 13

Lucky week 13. And let me tell you after the Munching of Weight Destruction I did this weekend in Galveston I thought I was not going to loose any weight this week. Fortunately for everyone I was WRONG! I dropped another 3.6 pounds this week which takes me down past the 260 point to 259.4 pounds. That is a total loss of 60.6 pounds or 18.9375% of my starting weight. Most importantly this leaves me with just over 9 pounds left to loose before I hit 250.

I rewarded myself with a couple of donuts and a thing of chocolate milk this morning and even though it was crap Schepps chocolate milk it was the BEST chocolate milk I have EVER tasted. It tasted like victory. The result of my reward is that I am so jumped up on sugar right now I can hardly type, let alone think straight.

As always we thank you for your support. (Although I guess I should stop referring to myself in the plural.)



Friday - 4-25-08
The Drink
1.5 serv. Kefir
1 serv. Whey protein
1 serv. Metamucil
Wendy's triple cheeseburger
2 large fries
Sprite
Black Bean soup
Bread
More fried stuff than you can shake a Heidi at
Iced tea (no sugar)
45 minutes on elliptical

Saturday - 4-26-08
The Drink
Orange Juice
Hashbrowns
Cinnamon Roll
2 eggs, scrambled
2 sausage pattys
2 hot dogs
Bacon cheeseburger
Waffle fries
Iced tea (no sugar)
Pecan pie dipped in chocolate

Sunday - 4-27-08
The Drink
Orange Juice
Hashbrowns
2 eggs, scrambled
2 sausage pattys
3 slices of bacon
3 pancakes
1 Tazo Giant Peach Green Tea
1 Yoplait yogurt
1 serv. fat free chocolate pudding
Beff fajita nachos
2 soft chicken tacos
Walked 4+ miles

Monday - 4-28-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, turkey, ham, and Ranch
1/4 box Fried Rice Chicken Helper
Asparagus
1 serv. fat free chocolate pudding
45 minutes on elliptical

Tuesday - 4-29-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Small salad
4 pieces goyza
6 pieces of sushi
California roll
Iced tea (no sugar)
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, turkey, ham, and Ranch
45 minutes on elliptical

Wednesday - 4-30-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, turkey, ham and Ranch
11.5 oz. V8
1/4 box Fried Rice Chicken Helper
Asparagus
45 minutes on elliptical

Thursday - 5-1-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Large spinach and romaine salad with raisins, mandarin orange slices, almonds, bacon, apple chunks, chicken chunks, and honey mustard dressing.
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
45 minutes on elliptical

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 12

I almost forgot what week I am on. Heck, I might have messed it up anyways. Enough blathering, lets get down it, shall we?

This morning I was tipping the scales at 263 pounds which is a loss of 3.6 pounds over the past week AND a total loss of 57 pounds. Just when I typed that it hit me how much weight I have actually lost. I find myself having those moments here and there. For example yesterday as I was getting back in my work clothes after my workout and shower I caught a glimpse of myself out of the corner of my eye. I was wearing some khakis I purchased last weekend (more on that in a minute), a shirt I really like, and I had just gotten my hair cut on Monday. The first thought that came in to my mind was, “Damn. I look GOOD.” I cannot tell you how long it has been since I have felt that way about my reflection in a mirror. As a general rule I HATE full-length mirrors because they do a great heaping amount of damage to my self-image. The person I saw in the mirror was SO not the James that I see in my head. (The James I see in my head is, well, I think this just about sums it up (NSFW for language) ) I’m still not there yet but this is the first time I have not had to work myself up to thinking I look good.

Now about the pants. One of the things I had to do last week was pick up some new pants. I had put this little shopping trip off for as long as I could but it was finally time. Even with a belt I would have to walk around with a hand in my pocket to prevent any Chick Magnet-esque incidents. Most of my pants were a 46 waist. ALL of the pants I bought were 42’s with the exception of one pair of 40’s. While I fit into the 40’s they were a little more constricting than I like my pants and the pockets on a couple of the khakis I tried on stuck out as pockets are wont to do when the pants are just a little too small. I can’t remember the last time I bought something smaller than a 44 so this felt awesome. In fact it felt so awesome I bought more pants than I planned. This morning as I was getting dressed after my workout I noticed something about the 42’s I chose to wear this morning. There is already a little play in the waistline and I need to wear a belt with them. Damn that was fast.

I know I had something else I wanted to share. Oh yeah! A couple of the ladies in the office have called me out on loosing weight. The manner in which they have brought it up just cracks me up because they are so nice and circumspect about it and concerned that I might be offended that they noticed. These couple of instances have really provided a boost!

Now as it is the end of April, well the last weigh-in day for the month anyways, it is time to set my goals for May. I once again succeeded in meeting my goals for the month, the high goal to be down to 265 or below. For May my goal is to hit 250 pounds and be done with this phase. I have five Fridays in May with which to work. Since I only need to loose 13 pounds to get to my goal this means that I can only loose 3 pounds each week and still make my goal and 3 pounds is still below my average weight loss per week so I think this is very doable.

Again thanks for all your support and putting up with this stuff! I REALLY appreciate it more than I can say.


Friday - 4-18-08
The Drink
1 Yoplait yogurt
1 serv. Metamucil
1 serv. Kefir
1 serv. Whey protein
3 peices of a large Papa Johns Spicy Italian pizza
1/2 order of cheese sticks
Chips and queso
2 beef and bean burritos
Refried beans
Rice
Iced tea (no sugar)
45 minutes on the elliptical

Saturday - 4-19-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
2 serv. Kefir
1 serv. Whey protein
Egg & Bacon kolache
Sausage & cheese kolache
Lemonade
Bacon Cheeseburger
Fries
1 serv. fat free chocolate pudding
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
Medium salad with chicken chunks and ranch
1 piece of a large Papa Johns Spicy Italian pizza
Helped Don move

Sunday - 4-20-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
4 pieces of a large Papa Johns Spicy Italian pizza
Tazo Giant Peach Green Tea
1 serv. fat free chocolate pudding
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ceaser dressing

Monday - 4-21-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
11.5 oz. V8
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and Ranch
1 bottle Tsing Tao beer
General Tso's Chicken
Egg Drop Soup
Rice
45 minutes on the elliptical

Tuesday - 4-22-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
11.5 oz V8
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and Ranch
1/4 box Fried Rice Chicken Helper
Asparagus
1 serv. fat free chocolate pudding
45 minutes on elliptical

Wednesday - 4-23-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and Ranch
11.5 oz V8
1/4 box Fried Rice Chicken Helper
Asparagus
1 serv. fat free chocolate pudding
45 minutes on elliptical

Thursday - 4-24-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
2 Tuna salad sandwiches
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz V8
45 minutes on elliptical

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 11

Man I just don't know how to start this week's entry in the Shrinking Tales of a Shrinking James. Since I passed the 50 pound mark this week I wanted to make some Hawaii 5-0 jokes but I just can't make any of them work. Of course it doesn't help that I keep getting Hawaii 5-0 and Magnum P.I. confused in my head. Oh well. Let's just get to this week's report, shall we?

In an interesting turn of events I am concerned that I might have lost TOO much weight last week when I dropped 5.2 pounds. This brings my weight down to 266.4 pounds and puts my total weight loss at 53.6 pounds. In addition to passing the 50 pound mark this week I also dropped below 267.5 pounds, which means I am more than three-quarters of the way to 250. In fact I only have 16.4 pounds to go!!

One of the tasks I have this weekend is to go shopping for some new pants. I am to the point where all of the pants I currently own are too large, almost clownishly so. I can't carry my wallet, iPod, and cellphone in my pockets without keeping on hand in another pocket to ensure things do not go south on me. Even the 44's I have are too big and I cannot remember the last time I went shopping for pants that were smaller than a 44 waist. This is pretty exciting stuff!



Friday - 4-11-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Banana
1 can Cherry Coke
5 slices of large Papa Johns Spicy Italian Pizza
Cheese Sticks
Med. Salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
45 minutes on elliptical.

Saturday - 4-12-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
3 Tacos Pastor
1 Taco Barbacoa
Med. Salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
3 slices of large Papa Johns Spicy Italian Pizza
1 piece Angel Food cake with whipped cream and berries
6 hours of yard work.

Sunday - 4-13-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
2 serv. Kefir
1 serv. Whey protein
4 Jack-in-the-Box tacos
1 piece Angel Food cake with whipped cream and berries
Med. Salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
7 hours of yard work.

Monday - 4-14-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Med. Salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. V8
1/4 box Chicken Jambalaya Chicken Helper
Asparagus
45 minutes on the elliptical
Walked 4+ miles

Tuesday - 4-15-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Med. Salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, turkey, ham and Ranch
11.5 oz. V8
1/4 box Chicken Jambalaya Chicken Helper
Asparagus
45 minutes on the elliptical
Walked 3+ miles

Wednesday - 4-16-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Small Greek Salad
Dinner Roll
1/2 chicken breast
1/4 box Chicken Jambalaya Chicken Helper
Asparagus
45 minutes on the elliptical

Thursday - 4-17-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Med. Salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. V8
Beef and Vegetable Soup
45 minutes on the elliptical

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 10

You know how you discerning folks know how its Friday? Because Friday is Fat Git update day! (And there was much rejoicing.)

For some reason I am having trouble getting rolling on this email today. I don't know why because I still have nothing to report except good news. I lost 4 pounds over the last week which brings me down to 271.6 pounds and puts my total loss at 48.4 pounds since I started this thing in February.

Since I am a big nerd I went ahead and did the hated maths to figure out the following (by "did the hated maths" I mean wrote the simple Excel formulas to figures this stuff out):

1. This is an average loss of 4.15 pounds per week. This ignores the first two weeks I posted losses. I believe the 9.2 pounds and 6 pounds I lost those weeks were statistical anomalies and would throw the number off.

2. The 48.4 pounds I have lost represents 15.13% of my starting weight of 320 pounds.

3. As of this week I have lost 69.14% (insert air guitar here) of the 70 pounds I want to initially loose.

Looking at all this information does two things. First it makes me really happy with where I am. Second it makes me think that I can actually hit my goal within a reasonable amount of time. When I got started on this I was expecting to have to fight this all year, and I will continue the good habits I have developed once I hit 250, however if my weight loss stays at 4 pounds per week I should be seeing 250 a week or two before Flipside. (No, I am not going, just thought that date would make more sense to people.) Not bad for what will have been just about four months worth of work.

Then I can start exploring the territory below 250 to see where I can end up. Suddenly 220 is not looking like an unattainable goal.

While I was writing this missive Gmail decided to throw the following links at me in the Sponsored Links area. They make me giggle so I thought I would share them with you:

http://www.how-to-get-rid-of-man-boobs.com

http://www.truthaboutabs.com

God I love Google ads some days.


Shall we delve into the "Holy shit, you ate THAT?!?!?!" list for the week? And fair warning, Friday is pretty grim.

Friday - 4-4-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
1 cup Orange/Tangerine juice
Chicken Teriyaki
Tazo Giant Peach Tea
Boiled cabbage with bacon bits
Fried rice
2 egg rolls
Bowtie pasta with mushroom stroganoff sauce
Spaghetti with a olive oil, pepper and parsley sauce
Chocolate and caramel tart with Bailey's ice cream
More snacks than you can shake a baby at
45 minutes on the elliptical

Saturday - 4-5-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 cup Orange/Tangerine juice
2 serv. Kefir
1 serv. Whey protein
1 Yoplait yogurt
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
Walked 5+ miles.

Sunday - 4-6-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 cup Orange/Tangerine juice
2 serv. Kefir
1 serv. Whey protein
Iced tea (no sugar)
Philly cheese steak
Fries
1 pint Guinness
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
Walked 4+ miles

Monday - 4-7-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 cup Orange/Tangerine juice
1 Yoplait yogurt
2 Tuna salad sandwiches
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
45 minutes on the elliptical
Walked 4 miles.

Tuesday - 4-8-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
11.5 oz. V8
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
1 Apple
Bowl of egg drop soup
General Tso's Chicken*
Rice
Iced tea (no sugar)
45 minutes on the elliptical

Wednesday - 4-9-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Asparagus
1/4 box Jambalaya Chicken Helper
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
45 minutes on the elliptical
Walked 6+ miles

Thursday - 4-10-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. V8
Beef and vegetable soup (Korean style, awwww yeah)
45 minutes on the elliptical


* There is a joke about General Tso and The Colonel in here but I can't quite get to it right now. I will have to ruminate on this.

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 9

Boy howdy is this post late!

Usually I am so excited about my progress that sending the email is one of the first things I do in the morning however today I was not feeling the excitement AND I had to do some work. We'll have to see about that second one. A man does have his limits after all. As for the first one it is because I was a little disappointed when I stepped on the scale this morning. I only have myself to blame but between going a little off the eating plan this week and, lets face it, unrealistic expectations on my part, I was disappointed when I tipped the scale at a ballerina-esque 275.6 pounds. I REALLY wanted to be down to 275 this week because that weight represents 45 pounds lost and for some reason that became important in my head this week.

I am not discouraged by the result by any stretch of the imagination, after all this still represents a loss of 3.2 pounds over the last week which puts it right around my average weekly weight loss. What I am trying to do is come up with a reasonable weight loss goal for April. I blew my March goal out of the water, having told my boss that I was aiming for 280 but would be satisfied with being at 285. I think my goal for April will be to get below 265, which would be a total loss of 13.8 pounds for the month, however I will be satisfied with being at 267.5 pounds. You might be asking yourself why such an odd number? Well at 267.5 pounds I will have lost 52.5 pounds or, in other terms, three-quarters of the 70 pounds I am trying to loose. On top of that I am expecting my weight loss to stall a bit around 264 as this represents a 20% reduction in body weight since I started my program. I have heard apocryphal evidence to support that weight-loss will stall at the 20% mark however I have not seen, nor gone looking for, any science to back this up. Though lets face it, I have NEVER let lack of actual evidence slow me down when forming dumb opinion on something so why should this be any different?

Last week I went on about a shirt I was able to wear again for the first time, which got me thinking about the shirt I am currently wearing. Just to give you an idea of how large the shirt is, it is one of my Cubavera shirts which I bought at Casual Male XXL. The shirt is a 3XLT (that triple-extra-large tall for those of you who wear things like M or GrrANIMALS.) When I started this whole process I would wear the shirt to work but would have to unbutton it before I sat because my gut was pushing the buttons to the ragged edge of their gut-retention limit. Now I am sitting in my chair, slouching down and I cannot get the front of the shirt to pull even a little bit when I pooch my gut out. This is really cool. And my posture as I attempt this must be doing WONDERS for my back. Stop now? Okay, I think I might.

On a final note, in the wake of last week's update a TON of people both reassured me that these emails were not unwelcome AND told me that my process has provided some inspiration to them to deal with some of the same issues I struggle with throughout this process of getting healthier. After reading some of the responses to last week's update I went through and actually re-read the email. As I was reading it what was funny to me when I wrote it just came off as passive-aggressive emo-whine which was not my intent at all. I went in search of teh funny and wound up at teh emo. I think I'll go listen to some Fallout Boy now thank you very much. I mean sorry 'bout that. Also to everyone who noted I have inspired them in some way? You have NO idea how awesome that makes me feel. Thanks for letting me know.



Friday - 3-28-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
1 Banana
Tazo Organic Iced Green tea
Bacon cheeseburger
Fries
2 egg rolls
Iced tea (no sugar)
Bacon cheeseburger
Fries
40 minutes on the elliptical

Saturday - 3-29-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
2 hot dogs
Chicken and green chilis
Rice
Refried beans
Peach cobbler with whipped cream
Lemonade

Sunday - 3-30-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Chicken fried steak
Broccoli and rice casserole
Fries
1/2 order of bacon cheese fries
Iced tea (no sugar)
11.5 oz. V8
Med. salad with ham, turkey, Ranch, and 1/2 hard-boiled egg

Monday - 3-31-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
1 cup Orange/Tangerine juice
Chips and queso
2 Chili rellenos
Charro beans
Iced tea (no sugar)
Spicy beef and kimchi stew
Rice
40 minutes on the elliptical

Tuesday - 4-1-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
1 cup Orange/Tangerine juice
11.5 oz. V8
Med. salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
Spicy beef and kimchi stew
Rice
45 minutes on the elliptical

Wednesday - 4-2-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
1 cup Orange/Tangerine juice
1 Banana
Med. salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and Ranch
11.5 oz. V8
Spicy beef and kimchi stew
Rice
45 minutes on the elliptical

Thursday - 4-3-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
1 cup Orange/Tangerine juice
Lg. nachos with beef, beans, and Jalapenos
1 Tortilla
Med. salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
45 minutes on the elliptical

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 8

Tired of these thing yet?

Too bad 'cause they're just going to keep on coming! Particularly as long as the news remains good news and this week's news? Oh yeah, it DEFINITELY qualifies as good news. This morning I weighed in at a svelte 278.8 pounds which brings my total loss to 41.2 pounds. For you science-types out there who love their percentages, and who doesn't, this means that 12.875% of pre-February 1st James has gone missing. Clearly things are going well despite me not necessarily eating like I am on any sort of diet (See Friday's and Wednesday's menus below if you doubt this assessment.)

Beginning on Wednesday of this week I went ahead and pushed my morning workout to 40 minutes on the elliptical as well as bumping the level up two difficulty levels on the machine. I found that after 30 minutes on the previous level I was not very tired after my workout let alone ragged out an barely able to walk. Clearly it was time to take things to the next level, or in this case the next next level. I feel pretty ragged out after the 40 minutes and getting through the 40 minutes is challenging, but I fell pretty good for the rest of the day so I think the decision was the right one.

The biggest motivator I encountered this week was a shirt I had bought back before my first trip to Korea. Shortly before heading to Korea for my brother's wedding my suit pants decided it was time to give out and thus a trip to Men's Wearhouse was required to quickly replace said suit. While there I got suckered in to buying this shirt that I REALLY liked, an almost French blue button-up, which fit my neck and arm measurements however I suspected it was not as long as I like my shirts. I was right and thus I was not able to wear the shirt. I wear my pants a little low, beneath my gut, therefore I prefer my shirts to be very long otherwise they tend to pull out of my pants at the sides, something which I find tacky and personally very distracting when it happens to me. Regardless of the fact it was ill-fitting I wore the shirt a couple of times because I REALLY like the color and I think it, the color, looks VERY good on me. Due to the fit issues I was very self-conscious when I wore the shirt and therefore it has been relegated to the Some Day side of the closet. Well, last night as I was trying to decide what I wanted to wear to the office today and packing for College Station I went ahead and pulled the shirt out on a lark and decided to try it on. The fucker actually fit pretty well and while I still cannot really wear it tucked in, it looks just fine being un-tucked as my once prodigious gut is not quite as prominent these days and thus the shirt hangs a bit better. I know this is somewhat silly in light of the larger positive outcomes I am seeing from this process however it provided a HUGE boost last night which has carried over to today.

One thought that has haunted me from the beginning of this process is when am I going to fail? I have HUGE amount of self-doubt and have failed at these sorts of initiatives before therefore part of me thinks it is only a matter of time before I fuck up pretty badly. Once that happens I have real trouble getting back on the horse. In the past this has been the downfall of the diet program. So far things are going far better than I expected, both physically and mentally, and I find myself eager to hop on the scale Friday morning to see where I am at in the process. With all of the success I have been having and quite frankly how easy the success has been, I find myself wondering WTF has taken me so long to get going with this process. The other thing I found myself wondering this week is whether 250 pounds might have been too conservative of a goal? I know I am tempting the Fates by thinking this way and therefore I am banishing the thoughts from my head. I have to HIT 250 before I can start lowering the bar.

Anyhoo, thanks for sticking with me through this process. I think a lot of my success here has to do with the fact that I feel accountable to my friends and loyal readers whom I have drafted in to this process.


Friday - 3-21-08
The Drink
2 scrambled eggs
Corned beef hash
4 pcs. of bacon
English Muffin (1/2 with jam)
Sm. Orange juice
Hash browns
Black Currant Tea (No sugar)
Lg. salad with grilled chicken, bacon bits and creamy Parmesan dressing
Cup of chili
Moules Gratin (Mussels gratin with Parmesan cheese)
Carbonade Flammande (Belgian beef stew prepared with Maredsous beer, onions and carrots)
Mashed potatoes

Saturday - 3-22-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
12 oz. bowl of Creamy New Potato soup
1 serv. Oatmeal with skim milk
Med. salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
2 Nature Valley Oats-n-Honey Granola Bars
Walked 4+ miles

Sunday - 3-23-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
2 serv. Kefir
1 serv. Whey protein
1/4 box of Potatoes Stroganoff Hamburger Helper made with turkey
1/4 bag of Broccoli & Carrots with Garlic and Herbs
1 lg. cup apple juice
11.5 oz. V8
Med. salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
Walked 6+ miles.

Monday - 3-24-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
11.5 oz. V8
Med. salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
1/3 box Chili Cheese Hamburger Helper
1/3 can green beans
30 minutes on elliptical

Tuesday - 3-25-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
11.5 oz. V8
Med. salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
2 Nature Valley Apple Crisp Granola Bars
1/3 box Chili Cheese Hamburger Helper
1/3 can green beans
1 pint Guinness
30 minutes on elliptical

Wednesday - 3-26-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Iced tea (no sugar)
Cup of seafood gumbo
Crab and cornbread stuffed jumbo shrimp wrapped in bacon
Horseradish mashed potatoes
Med. salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey and Ranch
11.5 oz. V8
40 minutes on the elliptical

Thursday - 3-27-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Largish salad with avocado, bacon bits, chicken breast strips and Ranch
Iced tea (no sugar)
11.5 oz. V8
Med. salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
40 minutes on the elliptical

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 7

Not a whole lot to say today. My mom is in town and I am dashing this off between visits to the museum and meeting Mr. & soon-to-be Mrs. Tunacan for dinner.

I dropped another 3.8 pounds this past week which takes my total loss to 36.8 pounds. I am now tipping the scales at a down right petite 283.2 pounds! The most important thing to come out of this week is the fact that I have passed the half-way point on this trip. I AM OVER HALF WAY TO MY GOAL! I could not be more excited about this! If my weight loss stays consistent with the loss I have seen the last few weeks I should be doing this for just another ten weeks or so, putting the end of this stage of the diet around the end of May. I do not expect this to happen as I expect my weight loss to plateau at some point, however it gives me a good place to start.


Friday - 3-14-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
6 Taco Bell tacos
2 Chicken Grilled Stuft Burritos
Med. Salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
30 minutes on the elliptical

Saturday - 3-15-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Bowl of chicken minestrone soup
Small salad with blue cheese, walnuts and some sort of vinegrette dressing
Med. Salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. Spicy hot V8
2 hours of hockey

Sunday - 3-16-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 serv. kefir
1 serv. Whey protein
Med. Salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
Iced tea (no sugar)
Cup of Baked Potato soup
1 1/2 fish cakes
French fries
Walked 4+ miles

Monday - 3-17-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
11.5 oz. V8
Med. Salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, turkey, ham, and Ranch
1/4 box Potatoes Stroganoff Hamburger Helper made with turkey
1/4 bag Broccoli & carrot with garlic & herbs
30 minutes on the elliptical

Tuesday - 3-18-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
11.5 oz. V8
Med. Salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, turkey, ham, and Ranch
1/3 box Chili Cheese Hamburger Helper
1/3 can green beans
30 minutes on the elliptical

Wednesday - 3-19-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Potato-crusted mahi mahi with au gratin potatoes, leek & roasted garlic cream sauce and fried leeks
Cup of Manhattan Fish Chowder
Iced tea (no sugar)
Med. Salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
30 minutes on the elliptical

Thursday - 3-20-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
8 pieces of sushi
1 California roll
Small salad with ginger dressing
Iced tea (no sugar)
Large Caesar salad with chicken
3 small slices of garlic bread
30 minutes on the elliptical

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 6

This morning I just noticed that I have now completed six weeks of this loosing weight thing and thought to myself, "Six fucking weeks? Holy shit Private Pyle." (Yes, I do actually talk to myself in R. Lee Ermy's voice at times. I think it freaks out the neighbors and this is a good thing.)

I dropped another 3.4 pounds this week which means I am tipping the scales at a downright petite 287 pounds. This brings my total loss to 33 pounds over the last six weeks and puts me 2 pounds shy of the half-way point of 35 pounds lost. I am really pleased with the progress I am making!


This week I started doing The Drink in the mornings again and I am going to try and stick with it for a couple of weeks even if it is foul, foul crap and makes me want to stay in bed just to avoid it. I also hit the gym five days this week instead of the usual two. On Tuesday and Thursday I only did 20 minutes on the elliptical instead of my usual half-hour but I plan to work up to that.

Well that's about all I have this week except for this moment from Val Kilmer Mash-up Theater:

I was thinking of the immortal words of Hollywood who said "Where'd who go?"


Shall we take a look at Ye Olde Foode Journale?

Friday - 3-7-08
1 Yoplait yogurt
1 Fuze Slenderize drink
Bacon Cheeseburger
Fries
2 egg rolls
1 Tazo Giant Peach tea
3 pieces of 12" deep dish pizza with whole wheat crust topped with ground beef, pepperoni, ham, bacon, and double Italian sausage
Iced tea (No sugar)
30 minutes on the elliptical

Saturday - 3-8-08
1 Yoplait yogurt
1/3 box Philly Cheesesteak Hamburger Helper made with turkey
Asparagus
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and Ranch
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
Walked 5.7 miles

Sunday - 3-9-08
1 Yoplait yogurt
3 pieces of 12" deep dish pizza with whole wheat crust topped with ground beef, pepperoni, ham, bacon, and double Italian sausage
1 cup Kefir
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. Spicy Hot V8
Walked 8.1 miles

Monday - 3-10-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
1 bottle Lipton Green Tea with Citrus
1/2 cup rice
Spicy beef and kimchi stew
30 minutes on the elliptical

Tuesday - 3-11-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1.5 serv. Kashii Go Lean cereal
Skim milk
New York strip with bordelaise sauce
Black truffle creamed spinach
1.5 dinner rolls with butter
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
20 minutes on the elliptical

Wednesday - 3-12-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Banana
Medium salad with a hard-boiled egg, chicken chunks, and Ranch
11.5 oz. V8
1/4 box of Potato Stroganoff Hamburger Helper made with turkey
1/4 bag of Broccoli and Carrots with garlic and herbs
30 minutes on the elliptical
Walked 2.4 miles

Thursday - 3-13-08
The Drink
1 serv. Metamucil
1 Yoplait yogurt
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. V8
1/4 box of Potato Stroganoff Hamburger Helper made with turkey
1/4 bag of Broccoli and Carrots with garlic and herbs
20 minutes on the elliptical

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 5

I am not feeling particularly chatty today, although in light of my 5.4 pound loss this week I had an excellent line earlier about being just like the American economy, only without Bernake's desire to turn the dollar into the new lira. Oh well. Let's take a look at the chart, shall we?


Like I said, 5.4 pounds this past week and I am not certain how I managed to do it. I keep expecting things to stall out on me how ever it has not happened yet so yippie! This week I also passed the second and third benchmarks on my list which were loosing 17.5 pounds and then 20 pounds and keeping it off for two weeks. Here is what I ate:

Friday - 2-29-08
1 Yoplait yogurt
Sausage, cheese and egg sandwich on toast
Bacon cheeseburger
Order of fries
2 egg rolls
1 Tazo Giant Peach tea
Med. salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and ranch
11.5 oz. V8
30 minutes on the elliptical

Saturday - 3-1-08
1 Yoplait yogurt
3 pieces of small pepperoni, sausage and bacon pizza
Iced tea (no sugar)
2 Nature Valley Oats-n-Honey granola bars
90 minutes of hockey

Sunday - 3-2-08
2 servings of Kashi GoLean cereal
Skim milk
Iced tea (no sugar)
2 English muffins with butter
3 pieces of small pepperoni, sausage and bacon pizza
Med. salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and ranch
11.5 oz. V8
Walked 6.6 miles. last 2.4 with 14 pound pack.

Monday - 3-3-08
1 Yoplait yogurt
2 Tuna salad sandwiches on toast
12 oz. V8
Med. salad with chicken chunks and Ranch.
33 minutes on the elliptical

Tuesday - 3-4-08
1 Yoplait yogurt
Med. salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
12 oz. V8
1/3 box Philly Cheesesteak Hamburger Helper made with turkey
Asparagus
Walked 2 miles.

Wednesday - 3-5-08
1 Yoplait yogurt
Large salad with avocado, bacon bits, chicken breast strips and Ranch
Iced tea (no sugar)
1 banana
4 Nature Valley Oats-n-Honey granola bars
33 minutes on the elliptical

Thursday - 3-6-08
1 Yoplait yogurt
Med. salad with chicken chunks and Ranch
11.5 oz. V8 (Low Sodium)
Spicy beef and kimchi stew
1/2 cup rice

I had some intestinal issues this week (bet you wanted to know that) so I am going to be adding a serving of Metamucil in the morning to help things along those lines as well as bringing The Drink back in to the mix. I guess I will see you cats next week!

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 4 "One Month"

INTERIOR DEPARTMENT ADDS CHUBBY JAMES TO ENDANGERED SPECIES LIST

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an unexpectedly early news conference this morning U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service spokesman Richard LeBlanc announced that as a result of the continuing decline in the Chubby James population the decision has been made to add the Chubby James to the list of endangered species.

Endemic to Texas, and in particular the Houston area, the Chubby James' range once stretched to College Station however in recent years the sightings of Chubby James have primarily been restricted to the Houston metropolitan area. "We began monitoring the situation last fall with the sharp decline in the Chubby James' natural habitat," LeBlanc said. "The situation has become critical early this month when Chubby James sightings dropped sharply in what little habitat still remained in the Houston area. As recently as the beginning of this month the average weight of the Chubby James was known to be about 320 pounds however the most recent sampling of the population indicates that the average Chubby James is now down to 295.8 pounds which, while still chubby, is an alarming decline of 24.2 pounds in the past month."

Renowned Chubby James expert Gebbie Roberts has another take on the event. "Perhaps what we are seeing is not a decline in the population per se, but rather a transformative event. It is not unlike the transformation one sees in mosquitoes in which the larvae enter a pupael stage before becoming the familiar pest we all know."

When asked for a comment, Greenpeace spokesperson Michael Hunt said, "I am honestly glad to hear about his. Our local volunteers are tired of throwing out their backs when we have to drag a beached Chubby James back into the ocean. While our chiropractors might bemoan the loss, this will leave us more time to concentrate on important things like annoying the Japanese."

So I guess you could say things are continuing at a good pace. Here is what I ate this week:

Friday - 2-22-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
Chicken Teriyaki
Boiled cabbage w/bacon bits
Rice
2 Egg rolls
1 Tazo Giant Peach Tea
Leek and Potato Soup
Maple Syrup & Bacon-Wrapped Pork Loin
Potatoes au Gratin
Mushroom Risotto
Bailey's Ice Cream w/ Caramel
Walked 4+ miles. Last half with 16 lbs. pack

Saturday - 2-23-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
Turkey sandwich w/swiss on cibatta
Iced Tea (no sugar)
1 serving of Bertolli Rosemary Chicken, Linguini & Cherry Tomatoes
1 Pizza Bagel Bite
1 Tagalong (Girl Scout Cookie)
Played hockey for 2+ hours

Sunday - 2-24-08
2 servings of Kashi Go Lean Cereal
Skim Milk
1 Apple
Medium salad w/ 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey & Ranch
11.5 oz. V8
Medium salad w/ chicken chunks & Ranch
11.5 oz. V8

Monday - 2-25-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
Medium salad w/ hard-boiled egg, turkey, hamm & Ranch
12 oz. V8
1/3 box Philly Cheesesteak Hamburger Helper (made with lean turkey)
Asparagus (steamed)
30 minutes on the elliptical

Tuesday - 2-26-08
2 servings of Kashi Go Lean cereal
Skim Milk
Medium salad w/ 1/2 hard-boiled egg, turkey, ham & Ranch
12 oz. V8
Beef and Vegetable soup

Wednesday - 2-27-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
Medium salad w/ chicken chunks & Ranch
12 oz. V8
Spicy Beef & Kimchi stew
1/2 cup rice
30 minutes on the elliptical

Thursday - 2-28-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
Medium salad w/ chicken chunks & Ranch
12 oz. V8
Beef and Vegetable Soup

Well as you can see I went WAY off the rails on eating on Friday evening. I blame Scott for this and not my lack of self-control because as you will note on Saturday I did relatively well. Particularly if one considers I limited myself to two snacks while hanging out at Robin's place where normally I would have consumed far more. To be honest it was not that hard to do, even when standing right by the snacks. I found that while I wanted them I did not CRAVE them and thus it was easy to just have one of each and roll on.

I am particularly proud of myself for continuing to hit the gym in the mornings. I have reached the point where my body is getting used to waking up at 6 in the morning, as evidenced by the fact that every day where my alarm was not set for 6:00AM, I woke up at about 6:30 with the "Holy monkey, my alarm did not go off" panic. I also have found that I am enjoying myself while I work out. Loading the iPod with podcasts has been a HUGE help in this department. As much as I LOVE music, I find working out while listening to something that intellectually engages me is a little easier as I am distracted from what my wimpy body is telling me.

In addition to the three days in the gym I actually went out and played some hockey this weekend. Man was I ragged out after playing however in a couple of interesting developments the small of my back did not hurt like it has the last few times I have been on skates however my glutes hurt until about Wednesday. As achey and breaky as I was on Sunday I still got out of bed relatively early and was able to get a ton of stuff done and, more importantly, I felt great all day. I do wish I had access to a hot tub for post hockey rest and recovery.

With this week's result I have pushed past the first benchmark I set for myself in dropping 10 pounds and keeping it off for two weeks. We all know what this means: RETAIL THERAPY!!! I already know I am going to go ahead and buy myself a Region 2 copy of Sukiyaki Western Django. I am actually in the midst of comparison shopping for this between YesAsia.com and cdjapan.co.jp and find that cdjapan has better prices and faster shipping times. Guess I know where I am going to get my fix. (Plus they had the new Cro-Magnons CD "Cave Party" which I totally need.)*

Now I have a question for you cats. Several people have mentioned the various diets where one purges their digestive system before really digging in. Does anyone out there have any experience with this? Is there any science to back up whether this is actually worth doing or not? Along with this does anyone know if there is any value to getting your bowels cleansed? There are rumors floating around about the various benefits of this. If there is either science or decent anecdotal evidence that this helps in the process I would seriously consider these options at some point.

Finally does anyone out there know what nicotine does to ones metabolism?

One last thing. I have been thinking about having pizza all week and planned on having it for dinner tonight as a reward for myself. Then I realized I am going to a play with a couple of friends tonight and pizza is going to do Bad Things to the back 40, if you catch my meaning, so eating it tonight is out. With my plans for playing hockey tomorrow I am thinking that lunch may be out of the question and I already have a salad for dinner. This leaves Sunday. We shall see but I am now thinking I will hold off a week and enjoy me some pizza next Friday.

Also I have decided to set a goal for the month of March. I would like to be down to 280 by April 1st, which means I have to loose about 3.5 pounds per week. This is below my average for the last month, even if we discount the first week's loss however I am expecting things to get more difficult as I continue to loose weight. Getting down to 280 would be a loss of 40 pounds since I started this thing as well as put me over half-way to my goal weight of 250. Having said all that I will be pleased if I am down to 285 by April 1st as that will be halfway there.

* If anyone out there can read Japanese I would be forever in your debt if I could get you to help me with a few things. I have several CDs which I want to rip to mp3 so I can load them to the iPod but I have NO idea what the song titles are. I do not want a translation of the titles but rather a transliteration of the kanji.

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 3

What's the time? It's time to get ill!

That's right boys and girls it is time for you weekly fat-spam from yours truly who managed to loose another 5.2 pounds this week. For those of you actually keeping score this drops me down to 299.6 pounds and puts my total loss at 20.4 pounds in the past three weeks. This is despite going way off my eating plan this week, something which I need to rectify next week. This loss pushes me past a few benchmarks which I had set for myself. First I have dropped below 302.5 pounds which is one-quarter of the way to my current goal of 250 pounds. Second I dropped, albeit just barely, below 300 pounds which has been where my weight hovered for years.

While the exercise component of my plan is going well with me hitting the gym three mornings this past week and I got my walk in on Saturday, I went off my initial eating plan and tried a couple of things this week which I do not think worked out real well. The first thing I did was to add snacks into my eating. I found the things which had been suggested to me tasted pretty much like butt (Atkins Advantage Morning Bars are from the Devil). I also would find myself craving a specific snack where as before I had just been hungry. Yesterday I removed the snacks from my desk to see if just knowing they were there was part of the equation. I plan on increasing the amount of vegetables I am eating with dinner to make up the volume.

The other thing I tried this week is starting the morning with a drink suggested by my boss. It is 1.5 cups water, .5 cups unsweetened cranberry juice, a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar, and the juice from half a lemon. The idea is that this helps cleanse your kidneys and keep them operating at peak efficiency which is important when trying to loose weight because the liver is what processes fat in to energy. You might find yourself wondering what kidney efficiency has to do with the liver processing fat and you would not be the only one. When the kidneys are not keeping up their work then the liver can step in and take some of the load but when the liver does this it pulls resources from other duties, like burning fat. While the idea here is good the drink is perhaps the nastiest thing I have ever had to drink (and I have tried gin more than once) primarily due to the smell of vinegar. I have tried mixing it a couple of different ways to no avail so I am going to drop it from the repertoire and see what other options are out there. I may just go to drinking a glass of cranberry juice in the mornings or, as Cyn suggested, look into some cranberry pills which are supposed to have all the cleansing fun of cranberry juice but in convenient pill form.

Here is what I consumed:

Friday - 2-15-08

1 Banana

1 Yoplait Yogurt

Hooters Buffalo Chicken Sandwich

1/2 side of Baked Beans

Kellogg's Blueberry Nutri-Grain Bar

2 slices of Salami

3 Chicken Enchiladas

Rice

Refried Beans

20 minutes on the elliptical

Saturday - 2-16-08

1 Yoplait Yogurt

Med. salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and Ranch dressing

Lg. glass of Apple Juice

Soba noodles with shiitake, sprouts and snow peas

Iced Tea (no sugar)

Walked 4+ miles, last half with 15 lbs. pack

Sunday - 2-17-08

1 Yoplait Yogurt

1/4 box Four Cheese Lasagna Hamburger Helper

1/4 can Green Beans

Clif bar

Med. salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and Ranch dressing

Monday - 2-18-08

1 Yoplait Yogurt

1 Banana

The Drink*

Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch dressing

12 oz. V8

1 piece Green Tea Candy

1 Atkins Advantage Chocolate Peanut Butter bar

1 serving Bertolli Rosemary Chicken, Linguini, and Cherry Tomatoes

30 minutes on the elliptical

Tuesday - 2-19-08

The Drink*

1 Yoplait Yogurt

Tuna Fish Salad Sandwich with lettuce and onions

Hard-boiled Egg

12 oz. V8

Atkins Advantage Morning Peanut Butter Crisp Bar

Medium Salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and Ranch dressing

Wednesday - 2-20-08

The Drink*

1 Yoplait Yogurt

Medium Salad with chicken chunks and Ranch dressing

12 oz. V8

Clif bar

Tofu pasta with sauce

Steamed Asparagus

Lotus Tea

30 minutes on the elliptical

Thursday - 2-21-08

1 Yoplait Yogurt

Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, ham, turkey, and Ranch dressing

12 oz. V8

1/4 box Four Cheese Lasagna Hamburger Helper

1/4 can Green Beans

As you can see I was pretty much off-book on Friday. Wednesday evening I ate too much and had a bit of a belly ache because of it. I think I just did the same thing with lunch. Oh well, plenty of time to make up for it.

I spent some time recently thinking about benchmarks for progress in this process and here there are:

310 lbs. - 10 pounds lost

302.5 lbs. - 1/4 way to goal weight

300 lbs. - 20 pounds lost

290 lbs. - 30 pounds lost

285 lbs. - 1/2 way to goal weight

280 lbs. - 40 pounds lost

270 lbs. - 50 pounds lost

267.5 lbs. - 3/4 way to goal weight

260 lbs. - 60 pounds lost

250 lbs. - GOAL WEIGHT and 70 pounds lost

So far I have achieved the first three by the hair of my chinny chin chin.

* The Drink is the foul concoction of cranberry juice, vinegar, and water which I discuss above.

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 2

Today was the big day. Or rather given the results the not quite as big as last Friday day. I weighed in at 304.8 pounds which is a drop in 6 pounds from last week and a total drop of 15.2 pounds in the past two weeks. This is despite completely going off the rails at brunch on Sunday. This week I began the exercise component of the changes I am making. I went for a walk on Saturday and then hit the gym before work on both Monday and Wednesday. I also reduced the amount of food I am having for dinner, going from a third of a box of Hamburger Helper to a quarter. After I did this I had some hunger issues the next day so I may go back to a third after the next week. We shall see. This week I also had a dream about drinking a Cherry Coke. The thing is in the dream I knew I was cheating on my diet and so was trying to hide it from people. Weird.


One of the big things this week was that I noticed I am wearing my belt a notch tighter. That is SUCH a good feeling. Of course the eventual outcome is that I will have to go shopping for not quite as fat clothes and then eventually skinny clothes. Even worse, I will have to go back to Scotland to get my kilt reworked. Damn.

My plans for the next week include adding a snack bar in to the eating rotation in the afternoons. I think this will help me fight off the hunger issues I had this week. As long as I choose wisely it should not undo any of the progress I have made and may actually help my metabolism keep cranking. I also want to replace the canned veggies in my diet with either fresh or frozen vegetables. In addition to these things I am going to try a morning drink my boss is doing with his glycemic load diet. The idea is that it cleans out the kidneys and helps kick start things in the morning. We shall see how that goes.

My goal for the week is to drop down to 300 pounds. This will put me over a quarter of the way to my goal weight AND allow me to engage in a little retail therapy by ordering Sukiyaki Western as I discussed a few weeks ago. Also if I manage to get down to 300 and stay there for two weeks I am going to allow myself to order Glenn E. Smith's The Call of Duty from my Amazon wishlist.

Here's what I did food-wise this week:

Friday - 2-8-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
Philly Cheesesteak with fries
Iced Tea (no sugar)
Medium salad with ham, turkey, 1/2 hard-boiled egg and Ranch dressing
1 serving of tortilla chips

Saturday - 2-9-08
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch dressing
Large glass of Apple Juice
1/3 box of Potatoes Stroganoff Hamburger Helper
1/3 can of green beans
Spoon of peanut butter
Walked 4+ miles. Second half with 14 lbs. pack.

Sunday - 2-10-08
2 scrambled eggs
4 slices of bacon
English muffin
Serving of Potatoes O'Brien
Chips and salsa
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch dressing

Monday - 2-11-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
Small bottle of Apple Juice
Banana
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch dressing
12 oz. V8
1/3 box of Cheeseburger Mac Hamburger Helper
1/3 can of corn, okra and tomatoes
30 minutes on the eliptical and then some light lifting.

Tuesday - 2-12-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
Medium salad with a hard-boiled egg, turkey, ham and Ranch dressing
12 oz. V8
1/4 box of Four Cheese Lasagna Hamburger Helper
1/4 can green beans

Wednesday - 2-13-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
Medium salad with 1/2 hard-boiled egg, turkey, ham and Ranch dressing
1 bottle Lipton Green Tea w/Citrus
Slice of ham
1/3 box of Cheeseburger Mac Hamburger Helper
1/3 can of corn, okra and tomatoes
30 minutes on the eliptical.

Thursday - 2-14-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch dressing
12 oz. V8
1/4 box of Four Cheese Lasagna Hamburger Helper
1/4 can green beans

Earlier today it occurred to me that the real losers here are the ladies as there is just going to be less and less of James to go around. I feel sorry for them. Also V-8? Not as vile as I remember.

Fat Fuck vs. Food - Week 1

(With apologies to Kevin Smith for stealing his titles but "Battle of the Bulge" is so fucking played out.)

Even thought I did not start this whole "dieting"* thing until this past Monday, I weighed myself a week ago and therefore after my morning ablutions it was time to weigh myself once again. The result? I tipped the scales at 310.8 pounds which is a decline of 9.2 pounds from last weeks record setting score of 320 pounds. Check out the spiffy graphics below:


More important than the weight loss is the fact that I was able to stick to my eating plan all week. Of course this being the first week it is easy to stay motivated and focused. In this case the second week will be pretty easy as well since I saw such stellar results from this week. For me the issue is going to come during the week after the week where I inexplicably gain weight. It has happened to me every time I have gone on a diet and, at times, has been the diet's death knell.

One of the things I have been doing to help with the diet is write down everything I am eating every day. Being a good Catholic, a liberal, and my mother's son I am wracked with guilt, which is something I need to change at some point, and I thought that if I had to write everything down I might behave myself a bit more. On top of that I am going to share each week's worth of entries here so those of you that are supporting me on this can push me. Here are the result from this week:

Monday - 2-4-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
1 bottle Lipton Green Tea w/Citrus
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch dressing
1/3 box of Potatoes Stroganoff Hamburger Helper
1/3 can of green beans

Tuesday - 2-5-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
1 bottle Lipton Green Tea w/Citrus
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch dressing
The last of the pasta and goo

Wednesday - 2-6-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
1 bottle Lipton Green Tea w/Citrus
Medium salad with a hard-boiled egg, turkey, ham and Ranch dressing
1/3 box of Potatoes Stroganoff Hamburger Helper
1/3 can of green beans

Thursday - 2-7-08
1 Yoplait Yogurt
1 bottle Diet Lipton Green Tea w/Citrus
Medium salad with chicken chunks and Ranch dressing
1/3 box of Cheeseburger Macaroni Hamburger Helper
1/3 can of corn, tomatoes, and okra

Besides this the only thing I consumed this week was water at the rate of 3 to 4 liters a day, except for Thursday where I only had about 2.

In addition to using this space to keep my fat ass motivated and you guys up to date on where I am at, I am going to try and save my food and eating related musing to the Friday post. With any luck discipline this will leave the rest of the week free for the usual jackassery I engage in while blogging. I think it should go without saying that I have been thinking about food quite a bit this week. Well food and the eating of said food, but you get the idea. One of the things I have forced myself to think about this week is how I actually eat, not so much what I am eating as the actual physical act of eating. As I have mentioned before my single biggest challenge in this process is going to be getting the portion size under control. It is not unusual for me to cook a pot of red beans and rice which is meant to feed three or four people and consume the entire pot over the course of an evening. I have come to the conclusion that this is not because I am hungry but rather I derive a great deal of pleasure from eating. This is both on a physical and psychological level. This is going to be the biggest thing I have to fight during this process. I am not certain where I picked up the, "It's not love, just food" bon mot however in my case I think this is really what I have to fight.


* I need to find a better word for this. To a certain degree this is playing semantic and psychological games however I do not like the word diet and ultimately what I am seeking here is a transformative experience which will result in better eating habits and a generally healthier life.