Elevator or Bathroom

It been awhile since I shared one of my moments of “Duh!” with you guys, so I thought I would relate this little embarrassment that took place in the office about a week ago.

So there I was laboring away at my desk on some project or another (have I mentioned lately that I love my job because it is something different almost every day? I do.) when it occurred to me that I really had to go to the bathroom. I have been trying to drink more water and less soda so now when the urge arrives, it ARRIVES. I got up and casually walked out of the office, telling my officemate that I had to go to the bathroom and offering to bring him back something if he so desired. I imagine Wayne said something truly deep like, “I’m not listening,” and with that I tromped out the door. I wandered down the hall until the critical point in my journey came. I could either go to the right and relieve the growing pressure in my bladder or I could go to the left and get on the elevator. Care to guess which option I embraced, dear reader?

You’re right; I went left. I turned towards the elevators and proceeded to press the button for the down elevator. I waited for a minute or two until my elevator arrived, boarded said elevator, and then proceeded to press the button for the Basement. As the elevator was plummeting towards the basement it occurred to me that this was not, in fact, the way to the bathroom, and what the hell was I doing in an elevator? At this point there was nothing to do but ride the elevator to the basement and then turn around and head back up to my floor to tinkle. My one hope was that no one would get on the elevator with me.

Clearly I was paying back some minor faux pas in a past life because karma was not with me. As the elevator reached the basement and the doors opened, one of the four or five paralegals I have worked with got on the elevator. She gave me a look that spoke exactly eighteen words. These words were, “What the heck are you doing staying on the elevator rather than getting off and going to lunch?”

At this point I REALLY had to pee and all I could do was shrug and shift back and forth from foot to foot (I get fidgety when holding it in). I think I made some sort of joke about being off my meds again or having found my bosses’ stash of booze, however I am not sure. All I know at this point is that as soon as we got back to our floor I made a beeline straight for the bathroom and sweet, sweet relief. Everything came out fine, just in case you were wondering, and I went back to my desk and my project, feeling a bit sheepish and not to bright. At least until my officemate said something and then I felt intelligent again.