Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Things I Learned Last Week

First, apparently I drink at work. A lot. The other day I was going to meet a friend of mine for lunch. Now to get to the appointed meeting place I had to go out of my office, meander down the hall, turn twice, and then board the elevator. On this particular day I follow the aforementioned path to glory, as it were, however at the very end of my quest I took a wrong turn…and ended up in the bathroom. Doubtless this Freudian slip will provide hours of fodder/entertainment for my therapist, however I cannot help but notice that this is the second time I have confused the elevator and the bathroom since I started working at my current job. Of course I never really used the elevator at my former place of employment (though I did accidentally use the ladies restroom once) so the connection between places of employment is specious, however for humor’s sake I am going to stick with it. Well that, and I think I know what is happening. I suspect that the fine gentleman with whom I share an office (previously mentioned here and here) is lacing my water with some sort of drug which then leaves me confused and open to suggestion. I cannot be certain why he would do this, however I think it is to undermine my eventual overthrow of his Committee for Safety. Vive la libertie!

Second I wish I was descended from a marsupial rather than a primate. I was kickin’ it in my USBDT hoodie when I came to this realization. Opposable thumbs are a waste, I mean look at Godzilla. He has opposable thumbs and is all kinds of angry. Some have posited that this is because he cannot reach his business for a couple of rounds of self-pleasure, but I suspect it is because some goofy bastards woke him from a nice little nap with an atomic bomb. Or perhaps he also desires a pouch because a pouch is the evolutionary gift that keeps on giving.


Scott said...

Until you get lint in your pouch. Then what ever you give gets kinda chewy. Not so much fun. (Sorry long day at the office and too much coffee.)

James said...

The second sentence of your comment confuses me, however that notwithstanding proper pouch hygiene would be critical, of course. Oh, snap! Maybe we would develop a symbiotic relationship with another creature that would keep our pouches clean for us! Then we would have a place to put our car keys when we were naked AND we would always have a little freind with us and not appear insane to the rest of the world.

Scott said...

Uhmm. Yeah. Did I mention lots of caffeinne was involved.
It was meant to be about the pouches' natural ability to produce lint, and therefore things in the pouch becoming covered in lint.
And therefore chewy.
Or fuzzy I guess.
Today I'm hungover, so making less sense.
And did you really use the phrase "Oh, Snap"?